I miss you...

So, it's 1 1/2 day since his plane went from Norway. I hoped things would feel a little better today, but to be honest, they are as bad as yesterday, if not even worse.
I catch myself imagining that he is just in the bathroom and I will soon hear "Karos can you look at this? Karos can you help me with something?" But the fact is that I will not hear that, cause I am alone.

I always tell him to use headset in the night when he is doing something with his computer because I cant sleep with any noise. But last night the silence was so disturbing that THIS was my reason for not sleeping. What I would have given for his nightly noise.

I slept on the sofa this night. I tried to sleep in the bed, but I just had to give up after about 10 minutes, without him next to me I have as big chance of sleeping as if I were sleeping on broken glass. Although I am sure the broken glass would have hurt less.

I was visiting Michelle yesterday.. We were talking, I answered when I was supposed to answer, I smiled when I was expected to smile, but lord knows I couldnt bring myself to smile a real smile even if my life was at stake. Halil was constantly on my mind, and the knowlege that when it was time to go home, my apartment would still be empty, his things would still be gone, and he would still not sit in his place in the sofa with his computer and listening to music or playing bubble witch.

I cant really believe that this situation is even real. Actually, the first thing I thought when I woke up this morning was;  I will make breakfast before I wake Halil up.  And when I was gonna get out of the bed, I realized I was not sleeping in the bed, and then I remembered that Halil is no longer here. And I am not there either.

He came to Facebook last night, and we talked with Facebook cam (which works great by the way).. But it was SO hard to sit here and see him on a computer screen when all I wanted to do was to just touch him. And as that was not bad enough, the internet went crazy and disconnected, and I couldnt connect again.

I wish I could describe exactly how it feels, but I just cant. I am sure it seems soooo dramatic and it cannot be THAT diffictult.. But it is. I miss everything so much. I miss having someone to eat with, someone who says they love me every day, someone who holds me when I cry and makes me smile.. Who kisses me on the cheek and sing for me when I cannot sleep. Its like a big peace of me is just gone. The worst part is that I do not have any idea when I will see him again. When we can kiss again, when we can hold each other again, when I can look into those beautiful brown eyes again.

Who would have thought that silence could be so noisy?